Dear One,
Sitting down with my family for dinner the other night I was suddenly struck by a memory of an earlier family dinner from my childhood. I had asked you to get me something to drink and you looked at me, without anger but definitely level in the eyes, and told me to, "Get Up and Get it Myself." (gasp!)
Odd the moments that stick with us.
This one did because I remember having a physical reaction to it. A feeling akin to the shock of a rogue, cold, ocean wave catching you completely unaware and knocking the wind out of you. In my limited child memory you'd always gotten whatever I asked for in the past. "You are my MOM for goodness sake!", my 6 or 7 year old self thought, "You are SUPPOSED to get me what I need!" I got up, sullenly I'm sure, and got myself a glass of water, brought it back to my spot on the table and, head down, tried to sneak a look up at you through my eyelashes. Far from the repentance I was hoping for, you were doing that small smile that is so uniquely yours and that as a mother myself I can now recognize as equal parts hope, exasperation, and trying to choke back a laugh. And that is where that memory ends.
Well, maybe not ENDS exactly... because I still carry it, and the lessons it contained.
Lesson 1: You are my mother not my servant.
Lesson 2: Do not let laziness get in the way of your own capability.
Lesson 3: Frustration and Love can happen at the same time, but the Love is always
bigger.
Lesson 4: You really do have eyes in the back of your head.
wait--- that's a different memory
Lesson 4: Ignore any of these lessons and spend dinner thirsty.
A random memory to share and elaborate on I know, but it's such a clear example of the through-line of you being my mother that I had to let you in on what a gift it was- and all the others like it! I don't know that I'm doing this small moment justice here, it's harder to verbalize than I thought, but essentially, I am better for being told to get my own drink. My children will be too, once the initial shock passes that is. In all the little moments like this, you not only taught me to care for myself, you also taught me to respect you. Which grew into respect for myself and others we share life with. It's been a building block for a healthy and happy life.
That old cliche about giving a man a fish or teaching him to fish is so ridiculously over-used that I won't give it more than a passing glance here. Besides, it's incomplete as you did much more than teach me to fish. You taught me to get my own glass of water.
And that has mattered every day since.
Happy Mother's Day Mom. Thank you.
Love,
Me
Friday, May 7, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
On Motherhood
Dear One,
It's wonderful to hear from you and I can so totally totally totally understand the rollercoaster you are on right now. I wish I was there and could just hold you for a moment. Please imagine the biggest hug you've ever had and accept that from me today. :)
I BALLED MY EYES OUT HYSTERICALLY WEEPING when 1) we drove away from the hospital and all of the people who were checking on my baby every couple of hours and telling me he was okay, and 2) when my mom left and I stood in that quiet apartment with a painful abdomen and an unbelievably needy infant. I understand completely and am going to tell you what I wish I'd know then. IT REALLY IS GOING TO BE OKAY. :) It's even going to be fun, magical, and brilliant beyond imagining. You are stronger than you know, but better than that- so is he! :) Nothing falls apart when he cries and you can take him anywhere you want to go. He'll adjust swimmingly and you'll get more and more comfortable with the load the more you incorporate living your life into caring for your baby.
And that's the other thing, it IS a LOAD to be a Mother. It is exhausting, frustrating, frightening, overwhelming and some days you'll even have thoughts that maybe you're not cut out for this and made a huge huge mistake. THAT IS REALLY OKAY TOO. :) It does not mean you are a bad mother, it does not mean you can't do this, it does not mean any mistake was made. It just means that this is an all-consuming job, a vitally important job, and that you really truly get that. If you weren't stressed out every now and then (or every few minutes...) then I'd be worried. ;)
Another thought to tuck away right now is that this season is just that, a season of time. There are incredibly precious moments in these first few months and years that you will look back on and know were some of the most valuable pieces of your life. Priceless, special and miraculous moments. There is also a lot of stress and endless servant tasks! Those parts pass though-babies grow to kids and eventually people who do, in fact, care for themselves, I promise. :) So enjoy carrying, and caring, and kissing, and breathing in that priceless newborn smell that is unique to your little man. Relax. Cut yourself LOTS of slack. Laugh at yourself and breathe. Of all the mommy's in the world he picked you out in particular - which tells me right away that your son has exceptional taste and you're in good hands. :)
Happy Early Mother's Day! You are going to be brilliant at this!
Most days. ;)
Love you,
Me
It's wonderful to hear from you and I can so totally totally totally understand the rollercoaster you are on right now. I wish I was there and could just hold you for a moment. Please imagine the biggest hug you've ever had and accept that from me today. :)
I BALLED MY EYES OUT HYSTERICALLY WEEPING when 1) we drove away from the hospital and all of the people who were checking on my baby every couple of hours and telling me he was okay, and 2) when my mom left and I stood in that quiet apartment with a painful abdomen and an unbelievably needy infant. I understand completely and am going to tell you what I wish I'd know then. IT REALLY IS GOING TO BE OKAY. :) It's even going to be fun, magical, and brilliant beyond imagining. You are stronger than you know, but better than that- so is he! :) Nothing falls apart when he cries and you can take him anywhere you want to go. He'll adjust swimmingly and you'll get more and more comfortable with the load the more you incorporate living your life into caring for your baby.
And that's the other thing, it IS a LOAD to be a Mother. It is exhausting, frustrating, frightening, overwhelming and some days you'll even have thoughts that maybe you're not cut out for this and made a huge huge mistake. THAT IS REALLY OKAY TOO. :) It does not mean you are a bad mother, it does not mean you can't do this, it does not mean any mistake was made. It just means that this is an all-consuming job, a vitally important job, and that you really truly get that. If you weren't stressed out every now and then (or every few minutes...) then I'd be worried. ;)
Another thought to tuck away right now is that this season is just that, a season of time. There are incredibly precious moments in these first few months and years that you will look back on and know were some of the most valuable pieces of your life. Priceless, special and miraculous moments. There is also a lot of stress and endless servant tasks! Those parts pass though-babies grow to kids and eventually people who do, in fact, care for themselves, I promise. :) So enjoy carrying, and caring, and kissing, and breathing in that priceless newborn smell that is unique to your little man. Relax. Cut yourself LOTS of slack. Laugh at yourself and breathe. Of all the mommy's in the world he picked you out in particular - which tells me right away that your son has exceptional taste and you're in good hands. :)
Happy Early Mother's Day! You are going to be brilliant at this!
Most days. ;)
Love you,
Me
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