On Offense

Dear One,

I don't know why we sometimes make each other so uncomfortable. It doesn't seem the norm in other relationships like ours, though I don't think any family has a "norm" so that's probably not the right comparison to use. Our immediate line of women though do seem to have a norm of  ,um, tension in rather high levels is the best way I can describe it- at least for all the generations I've personally witnessed. Family cycles are so hard to break out of, and ours certainly isn't the worst of positions to be in when you consider the ruts of anger and abuse others must face. Nevertheless, I don't think times like what we just had is what either of us hope and dream for when we're together.

How to stop hurting then?

I think it comes down to how easily we each take offense. I'm learning that offense is more of a choice than a given, and I'm so sorry for how often I choose it. I'd love for us to embrace each other's differences better. I can't be a perfect carbon of you, and I don't think you'd want me to be even though it would make things like decorating a house or putting away laundry or making dinner or any host of other little shared activities much less controversial. Writing it out like that, it does seem silly that we get so tied up in those things, doesn't it?

I also want to listen better. I get so frustrated by feeling continually unheard, and yet now that I'm taking a breath long enough to think about it, I'm not sure I'm hearing you as well as you deserve either. In fact, I know I'm not.

I think you are wise, joyful, fun, creative, intelligent, loving, and generous.

I think those things WAY more often than I think anything else.

I also think I'm lucky to have you in my life. And I will do everything I can to do our life better.
Because you matter. To me. You matter.

Love,
Me